Sportsmanship Beyond the Game: A Call to White Parents

The Unfair Call

You know how mad you get when your kid is playing their sport and the ref makes a call that seems unfair? Even if you’re not the type of parent who yells at the ref (or maybe you are sometimes!), you know how you’re boiling inside for a minute at the injustice of it all?

That’s the world People of Color live in every day in white-dominant societies around the world—whether it’s the U.S., Australia, Canada, the UK, or European countries. Black, brown, and Indigenous people experience calls that are unfair and a playing field that’s not level every minute of every day. And they have for centuries. Not years. Not decades. Centuries.

We Teach Sportsmanship—But Not the Whole Lesson

As sports parents, we have (hopefully!) talked with our kids about sportsmanship. We talk about shaking the other team’s hand, playing fair, showing goodwill to opponents, and respecting other players, coaches, and officials.

In sports, we have all these rules to try to make things fair for everyone—to try to make the playing field level: the size of the ball, the types of equipment you can use, the rules against drug use.

But in the game of life, the playing field is not level for people who aren’t white. The starting place isn’t the same. There are barriers in place that must be pushed past and navigated every day to overcome.

Speaking for myself, as a white person, I’ve gone decades without fully understanding those differences and barriers—how deep they run and how systemic they are.

Starting the Game From Behind

If, as white parents, our white kids’ sports teams had to start a game 10 points down, or had to start a 100m race 20 yards behind, imagine how much we’d be boiling at the injustice of it on the inside (and maybe on the outside!).

But because, as white parents, our kids have started every game with a metaphorical 10-point lead and 20-yard head start, we’ve never even noticed the difference. We’ve just thought we were better, or that we had worked harder.

What Are We Teaching Our Kids About Racism?

As parents, we have so much responsibility. We have to raise our kids right—because they are the most important thing to us, and because they are our future. And we’re all trying to do that. Every one of us, in our own ways, is trying to give our kids the tools they need to succeed in life, to be good people, to work hard, and to have integrity.

We talk to our kids about work ethic. We talk to them about perseverance, resilience, and sportsmanship. But how many of us white parents talk to our kids about racism very often? And when we do, how do we talk about it?

Do your white kids understand systemic racism? If they are too young for that, are you setting the stage for them to understand it later, with smaller, age-appropriate discussions now? What are you role modeling for them?

Because what they see you do is as important—if not more important—than what they hear you say.

If you are talking to your kids about racism, awesome. Good for you. You’re in the minority.

It’s Time to Start the Conversation

If you’re not already talking to your white kids about racism, it’s time to have those conversations—starting today. Because it’s never too late to start doing the right thing.

But before you have those conversations, take some time to reflect on why you haven’t had them yet.

Speaking as a White Parent

I’m not going to sit here, writing this, and pretend I’m a perfect parent doing all the perfect things. My journey around race spans the entire 51 years of my life, but it’s only in the last few years that I’ve really started thinking hard about race and racism.

I can honestly look back and say I didn’t have enough conversations with my own kids when they were younger, and that I didn’t have deep enough conversations.

My kids learning from me to treat people the same individually, no matter the color of their skin, is not the same as me talking to my kids about white privilege and systemic racism.

Discomfort Is Part of the Work

As a white person, I haven’t had to think much about race. That’s my white privilege.

And it’s uncomfortable to talk about race with friends, family, and even my own kids—that’s being white. It’s uncomfortable because white folks have done a lot of wrongs to People of Color for centuries. We don’t have much to be proud of there, and that makes it hard.

Small gains that white-dominant societies have given to People of Color haven’t changed the larger realities. Sure, Black people can drink from the same water fountains and see the same dentists now, but they still have centuries of starting behind the starting line that may never be made up for.

They are still shot and killed by police at a disproportionate rate.
They are still incarcerated at a disproportionate rate.
They still experience macro and micro aggressions every day.

As white people, we want to think we’re good people (and most of us are!), but we’re good people who just haven’t thought hard enough—or acted enough—for our Black, brown, and Indigenous brothers and sisters.

No Gold Stars—Just Responsibility

I am preparing to give a TEDx talk at Texas State University at the end of this month. I’ve written my speech and have been practicing it every day. I’m going to talk about how we need to change the “winning is everything” mentality because it’s unhealthy for us and holds us back.

Spoiler alert: I’m going to be imploring my audience to see success in our “small, daily displays of effort, courage, and skill,” not just in the A’s and the wins.

And in thinking about racism, as a white person, I realize that I’m never going to get a gold star for my work in deepening my understanding and activism for People of Color. I’m not asking for one, and I don’t deserve one.

But to help me overcome my shame and guilt for not having done more before now, and to help me do the right things moving forward, it’s good to know that I can still put in effort, courage, and skill in my anti-racism work from now on.

Effort, Courage, and Skill—Off the Field

So next time you’re having a chat with your kids about how to be a better person, how to succeed in life, or how to show sportsmanship on and off the field, make some time to talk to them about race as well.

As white people, it’s past time for us to put effort, courage, and skill into changing our society’s views, attitudes, policies, and laws that are systemically racist.

How you decide to act is up to you. Thinking about it, educating yourself, reading books, and having conversations is a start. Talking to your kids and your friends, and not staying silent when you see microaggressions or overt aggression, is a start.

If all of us take some small or big action every day—and show effort, courage, and skill when it comes to racism—we can create the change we want to see.

If this made you uncomfortable, that’s ok. Discomfort is often where growth starts.

Photo by Womanizer Toys on Unsplash